Minimize Unwanted Behaviors with Optimal Thinking

"It is funny about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the very best
you will very often get it."
W. Somerset Maugham


How do you react when you feel threatened? Setting boundaries to provide the safety you need and responding appropriately to transgressions are essential to your well being. Communicating your response with Optimal assertion will create understanding when you feel threatened or your rights are violated. People are often unaware that they are violating your rights until you let them know. When you verbalize the problem specifically to them, as it occurs, and immediately negotiate the best solution, you are free to get on with your SUPREME goals without suppressing feelings of anger and hurt.

The goal of Optimal verbal assertion in confronting unwanted behavior is to provide the best verbal stimulus to stop the intrusive behavior and, if possible, negotiate the best solution. Here is a summary of the steps involved:

Step Communication
1. Verbalize and show appreciation of the other person's most valuable character traits (when appropriate)
2. Express your fears about the consequences of your communication (when appropriate)
3. Offer a nonjudgmental description of the behavior
4. Describe the feelings you experienced
5. Describe your interpretation of the effects of the behavior
6. State what will work best for you
7. Ask the other person, "What do you think is the best solution?"

Allan, a stockbroker, used sarcasm to belittle people. After consulting with me, his sister-in-law Nanette asked Allan if she could speak with him privately. She employed Optimal verbal assertion when she said: "Allan, when you belittle people in my presence, I feel uncomfortable, because I don't feel respected. I would be most appreciative if you could discuss your grievances privately with those involved. What do you think is the best solution?" Allan was quiet for a moment and then responded: "You're right, Nanette. I'll do that in future."

When time is short, respond immediately to put-downs with Optimal statements.
Learn how to put your best self in charge!

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