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Many people feel lonely and depressed, particularly on weekends and during holiday periods. They feel disconnected from loved ones and unhappy with their lives. Are you willing to answer some optimal questions to best resolve these lonely feelings by yourself, for yourself?
Bear in mind, we all suffer the misery of loneliness at some time in our lives. You feel lonely when you experience yourself as separate and disconnected from others. You may find yourself observing people around you, but are unable to participate. When the pain of your isolation is overwhelming, you feel heartbroken. Loneliness is an authentic signal of unfulfilled social or intimacy needs.
You can feel lonely when you are by yourself and have no one to connect with, or when you are with others who are emotionally unavailable. Loneliness advises you about emotional availability—whether you or others are emotionally open or shut down. You can gain understanding, and use Optimal Thinking to best resolve your loneliness by asking yourself:
• What am I thinking or doing to create these lonely feelings?
• Do I feel unlovable?
• Do I feel unneeded and different from others?
• Am I blaming my loneliness on what is unchangeable?
• Am I emotionally available?
• Am I trying to connect with someone who is emotionally shut down?
• Am I expecting more from others than they are willing to give?
• Is my loneliness informing me that I need to reach out and connect with people?
• What are the best actions I can take to overcome my fear of rejection?
• What are the most constructive actions I can take?
Many irrational ideas and assumptions lead to feelings of loneliness, including: “No one likes me,” “There is no one available,” or “I have to cater to another person and there’s no time for me.” Question the validity of any self-defeating thoughts and explore what is in your best interest.
Minimize your lonely feelings with statements like: “This is temporary. What’s the best thing I can do?” Keep your focus on what you can and are willing to optimize. Being alone is a natural state of every living soul. If you enjoy being alone, you will most likely be able to reach out to others. Be true to yourself and understand that not everyone will love you. Loving yourself, sharing your love unconditionally, and communicating your boundaries to others is the best way to optimize your connection with them.
If you are experiencing profound loneliness and are willing to implement the best solutions, we offer life coaching by telephone or video conference. We will resume in-person meetings in our Marina del Rey, Los Angeles office according to the coronavirus task force guidelines. You can overcome loneliness.