some of our clients:
  • Johnson and Johnson
  • YPO
  • Bristol-Myers Squibb
  • US Army
  • Air New Zealand
  • WB
  • Red Bull
  • Frito Lay
  • Mercedes-Benz
  • Delta Airlines
  • bp

Life Coaching for Relationship Problems

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unhappy-executiveCan Optimal Thinking life coaching for relationship problems help you?  Many people did not receive the love and acceptance they needed as children. They feel inadequate, unimportant, unlovable, powerless, empty, lonely, bad, and even worthless. Instead of facing their painful feelings and healing their wounds, they focus their attention on their relationships. Do you please others in order to gain their approval? Do you become deeply emotionally attached to others before they have earned your trust and respect?  Do you have other relationship problems?

Many people hand over the role of affirming their value and lovability to other people and then feel wounded and rejected when others fail to make them feel valuable and lovable. When they don’t receive the approval they need, they blame others for their feelings of jealousy, resentment, hurt, loneliness, or disappointment. By allowing others to define you, you give away your power to them and then are dependent on their choices. Relationship problems arise because the foundation is rocky.

During Optimal Thinking life coaching, we have met numerous people who were brought up to believe that their role in life is to support others and that their personal goals and desires are secondary. These people feel selfish when they consider themselves first. Do you believe that you can only be happy when you are in a loving relationship? When your sense of wholeness depends upon being in a loving relationship, you are in a victim state. Making your happiness dependent upon others gives them the power to make or break you.

Harry, a business owner I coached, was miserable when he wasn’t in a committed relationship. By centering his thoughts and activities on his girlfriend, he avoided facing his pain and healing himself. Harry focused on his girlfriend’s feelings but ignored his own. He made her responsible for affirming his value and lovability, and for making his life meaningful. However, when he didn’t get the attention and approval he needed, he felt cheated and angry. He blamed his girlfriend for abandoning him, even though he was actually abandoning himself. When the relationship ended, he compulsively repeated the cycle with another woman.

During life coaching, Harry realized that whenever he attributed his pain to an external source, he was choosing to be irresponsible. Sadly, many of us choose the victim role by believing that life happens to us. If it hadn’t been for this, that, or the other, we would be doing very well now. Blame is the name of the victim’s game. We blame others for our pain because we don’t want to take responsibility for the source of our distress: our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. By volunteering for the victim role, we avoid personal responsibility for our choices and their consequences. As long as we believe we are victims, we don’t have to take responsibility for healing our pain. Until we accept the truth that our wounded feelings come from our choices and that we are responsible for the thoughts, beliefs, and actions that create our feelings, we will continue to feel powerless. It is not others’ behavior that is the source of our anguish, but our interpretation of their behavior and our responses.

You can give up your need for approval from others. Start by observing your victimizing thoughts and emotions without judging them, and consider how to best deal with them. Avoid the temptation of having others define you by asking yourself such questions as,“What do I want from others that I am not giving to myself?” Whenever you are angry with someone, ask yourself, “What am I doing to myself that I am blaming others for doing to me?” As soon as you realize what you’re doing to hurt yourself, you can take the best corrective actions. Here are some additional questions:

• Am I willing to take full responsibility for optimizing my thoughts, feelings, actions, and life?
• Is my greatest desire to learn how to take care of myself or do I want someone or something to do this for me?
• What do I need from an external source that I am not giving myself?
• What is the wisest way of dealing with this?

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By taking full responsibility for defining yourself, you will claim your personal power. You can optimize trust, communications and mutual commitment in your relationships.You can also participate in confidential life coaching at our Los Angeles office, online, or by telephone.

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22 Responses to “Life Coaching for Relationship Problems”

  1. careful seeker says:

    I’ve had relationship problems around intimacy my whole adult life. All the men I have cared for have betrayed me. Thanks for this post. You are more than intelligent. You are wise.

  2. Fran L says:

    Exceptional. What an impressive post!

  3. Elna Dorshorst says:

    Excellent blog post, I look forward to reading more.

  4. Arni A says:

    Real nice style and fantastic relationships subject material. Thanks.

  5. Gerald Belinski says:

    I know this is really boring and you are skipping to the next comment, but I just wanted to throw you a big thanks – you cleared up some relationship issues for me!

  6. Annette K says:

    I’m usually depressed when I’m out of a relationship. This post really helps. Thanks a lot.

  7. Toby Goatley says:

    I am glad that I found this information. I am the type of person that loves to be inspired. Whether it be with regards to home life or business. This blog has some great posts and your posts inspire me to be productive and have given me ideas to move forward.

  8. Erica says:

    I just wanted to point out that we find your blog especially uplifting.
    I was very nearly divorced after ten years of marriage myself. Luckliy we implemented many of the ideas listed here and they actually worked for me and Harry. Our relationship is certainly better right now than it ever was.

  9. Weber G says:

    Hello! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Great blog and outstanding design.

  10. akwaria says:

    Usually I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this article really forced me to do so! Thanks, really nice article.

  11. Britney says:

    I found your website through a random stroke of luck when searching for executive coaching. It helped me do my research. I really learned a lot from your site and you, in your role as an experienced knowledgeable executive coach. You are doing the great work:)!

  12. Anthea Windell says:

    Hey very cool web site an very interesting information on relationship problems. I will bookmark your blog and get the feeds also. You are a powerful life coach. Thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  13. Carmen S says:

    I really loved reading your blog today! Keep writing great posts and I will come back every day to keep reading!

  14. Carrie M says:

    I love reading your blog. It is a nice source of info on relationship and business issues. Thanks once more.

  15. Henry J says:

    Thanks for your coaching on relationship dependence/addictions. Your blog is extremely helpful.

  16. Cheryl G says:

    This is a great article especially for codependent individuals.

  17. Ed J says:

    I googled life coach los angeles and worked with some mediocre life coaches who did not do much for me. I struck gold when my friend recommended you. You’ve helped me so much with my relationship dilemna in a short time. You are spot on in your feedback and I am so thankful that you are coaching me.

  18. Santiago J says:

    Just wish to say your article is outstanding. The clarity in your post is excellent and I value your expertise in relationship coaching. I will grab your RSS feed and keep updated with forthcoming posts. Thanks a million and please keep up the rewarding work.

  19. Jose S says:

    You are a great life coach. I’ve been subscribing to your newsletter for five years and loved your book. I have overcome some of my relationship problems with your guidance.

  20. Lyn Jasper says:

    I was browsing for relationship coaching and found your blog. Interesting articles. I’ll come back.

  21. Denise L says:

    I went through a horrible divorce last year and haven’t been interested in a relationship since then. I’m unhappy being alone but I can’t face another failure. Thank you for this post on relationship problems.

  22. Bobby Hines says:

    I’ve never been happy when I’m not in a relationship. I would like to have some life coaching with you to get over this but I don’t live in Los Angeles. I see that you do telephone life coaching and hope I can try it out to see if it will work for me. By the way, your book is very practical and makes a lot of sense.

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